Twisted Red Riding Hood

Once upon a time there was a teenager who lived in a small village by the forest. Everyone she knew called her Red Riding Hood or RRH for short because of the red coloured riding hood she wore wherever she went. There was also a big but not exactly bad wolf who loved RRH for let's just say, a really long time.

So, as the story goes, RRH was traipsing through the forest holding a small wicker basket containing a picnic lunch in hand, to visit her grandmother who lived in an isolated house by herself. The Wolf peered at her from behind a maple tree and upon seeing RRH by herself he boldly strode forward to her.

“What's in there?” he inquired, pointing to the basket.

“They’re some goodies for my granny,” she explained.

“Let me have some,” he demanded.

“No way!” as she wrapped her arms protectively around it.

“You'll have to exchange it with something then,” the Wolf told her. “How about a kiss?”

“Oh, is that all?” asked RRH innocently. “Just close your eyes and pucker up then!” The Wolf complied and leant forward. RRH hurriedly reached for a fallen tree branch and whacked the Wolf on his head, causing him to drop on the ground, unconcious.

“That was easy,” she reflected. Tossing the shattered remanants of the tree branch, RRH walked around the Wolf and continued her journey.

The Wolf recovered quickly. Knowing RRH was sure to stay on the path, he went down a short cut and got to the house before she did. He pounded on the door of the small cabin and shouted, “Granny, are you in there?” Receiving no reply, he pushed the door open. “Anyone home?” he called and was again met with silence. “She must’ve gone out to gamble,” he thought, realizing the house was empty. The Wolf hurried into the master bedroom and entered the spacious walk-in closet. “I’ll just slip on a nightgown and then crawl into her bed,” he planned. “Now, let’s see, where would she keep something like that? Ah, this should...eww!” he exclaimed as he picked up a red silk chemise. He rummaged somemore and fumed in frustration when he was unable to find a decent night gown.

RRH arrived and the Wolf decided to forgo wearing the nightgown. Jumping into bed, he pulled the covers up to his neck and called in a false voice, “I’m in my bedroom, dear!”

“Granny! You look simply awful!” commented RRH as she walked in. Why she did not notice the 'person' under the sheets was actually the Wolf is a mystery. As the Wolf proceeded to answer that she had too many Martinis, knowing her grandmother’s habits. RRH seated herself on a small wooden chair by the side of the bed and gazed at the Wolf, “Oh, granny, what big lips you have!”

“The better to kiss you, my dear!”

“And granny,” continued RRH, pulling one of the Wolf’s paws out from under the covers, “what big arms you have!”

“The better to hug you, my dear!”

“And granny, what big hands you have!”

“The better to tie you up, my dear!” growled the Wolf. He leapt from the bed and tied her with a rope conveniently placed on the night table. RRH jerked herself about and ordered the Wolf to let her go. Then again, we should ask, why would the Wolf let her go after tying her up? Her granny came home soon enough and RRH naturally called for help. Granny dashed into the room wearing a bright-yellow sundress showing her excellent figure she retained despite her advanced years.

She cornered the Wolf wanting a kiss from him. RRH laughed as she watched her grandmother advance on the Wolf. “How do you like it now that the table's turned?” she taunted. Granny grabbed the Wolf in a tight embrace, and then leaned forward, pressing her lips against his.

“Lady, you sure do know how to please a man!” the Wolf exclaimed when Granny finally broke the embrace.

“Call me Scarlet,” she said, blinking her eyes flirtatiously.

“Right, Scarlet, I heard that there's a magic act with albino lions being performed at the casino tonight. Do you want to have dinner and catch the show later?” asked the wolf. She agreed immediately and linked her arm around his.

Forgetting about RRH being tied up, Scarlet and the Wolf went out to watch the lion tamers together and soon got married, living happily ever after. As for what happened to RRH, let's just say that she ended up inside a certain hungry grizzly bear who happened to pass by.

Moral of the story? Being old does not mean that you can't do anything. Take Scarlet for example, she managed to get married to the Wolf who was in love with her grand daughter.